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Or how you think inappropriate jokes are hilarious. You try to imagine their response if you were vulnerable enough to share the thoughts that go through your mind. You wonder if they would question if you really love Jesus.
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But you do really love Jesus. So do I. Yet, I have committed just about every sin in the book.
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But I DO still really love him. Maybe you can relate? Here is the thing I've come to learn: Jesus loves us bad girls. He loves the heck out of us. He can, period.
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We might have taken a rockier road then some. We may have made a few or a ton more mistakes than some, but no one is perfect, right? I think if Jesus were here right now he would give us a giant hug and say how happy He is to have us. No lecture, no shaming, just love. So, so much love. So just know, the next time you question if you even belong in the church, or in a Christian community, or if you really could be open about your past without receiving condemnation, the answer is absolutely.
The faux-clinical tone is something like that of the doctor who discusses with Ricardo the sexual injuries from Otilia's Sadean interlude: "I have no choice but to give you the unpleasant details. At one point, as if aware of something missing in the substantiation of his heroine's allegedly irresistible charm, Vargas Llosa comes up with a Vietnamese orphan, unable to talk since his traumatic childhood.
The mute boy meets the bad girl and lo, he speaks. It is a moment of unforgivable schmaltz that merely makes Otilia seem more improbable than ever.
Some elements, such as the tenuously incorporated running commentary on Peruvian politics, really only make sense if understood as allusions to the original - in this case the backdrop of French political turmoil. Stylistically, however, the book couldn't be less like Flaubert, whose injunctions against cliche, generic description, idees recues, it flouts with apparent glee, tossing out such lines as "He was the incarnation of the careless, absent-minded intellectual" by way of characterisation, and off-the-peg accessories high-end, of course - Guerlain toothbrush, Vuitton dressing case - by way of furnishings.
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In its better moments and there are some incidentally lively passages it seems to aspire to something more like the skimming swiftness of Flaubert's pupil Maupassant, whose raffishly cynical study of corrupted desire, Bel Ami, it occasionally resembles. But whereas Maupassant situates his predatory charmers in a Paris brought to life by incandescently imagined detail, Vargas Llosa who has achieved equally brilliant results in other novels, such as The Feast of the Goat too often settles for the kind of obvious local colour you could find in a tourist brochure.
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The depiction of Swinging London is particularly lame, beginning with this painfully clunky overview: "Music replaced books and ideas as a centre of attraction for the young, above all with the Beatles but also including Cliff Richard, the Shadows, the Rolling Stones with Mick Jagger, other English bands and singers, and hippies and the psychedelic revolution of the flower children. The line about the Stones - "with Mick Jagger" - is so richly ludicrous, I wondered if there was some weird pastiche afoot; an attempt to deliver modern times in a deliberately stilted, anachronistic manner so as to simulate the weatherbeaten patina of a "classic".
I don't think so, but perhaps in years or so, when the 20th century seems as quaintly old-world as the 19th, The Bad Girl 's kitschy aura will have become imperceptible and readers will share the sentiments of one of the characters in its pages who, on hearing Ricardo tell his tale, is made to exclaim obligingly: "Do you know, it's a marvellous love story?
To order The Bad Girl for pounds Topics Books. Fiction Mario Vargas Llosa reviews.
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